Terry-
My situation? We dated twice…both great. Have only texted a little bit since. No calls. I’m so thrown for a loop that I want to call him. You see, I’ve only been rejected once before and that was by my husband of 25 yrs. This is really messing with my head. Advise please.
Hello, there-
Of course this is messing with your head. You’ve only been rejected once before? In your entire life?
See, most of us have been rejected so many times we’re full of dents. Rejection hurts! Rejection sucks!
And the fact that your husband of 25 years rejected you must have terribly disorienting. You had zero experience in dealing with rejection –and then, Pow! My heart goes out to you. But you brushed yourself and got out there again. Good for you.
But now you have two rejections under your belt. What does this mean? Does it mean that you suddenly became unlovable? Unattractive? Undesirable?
It means nothing of the sort.
It means that you are having a common — if unpleasant — dating experience. See, this happens all the time. You go out with a guy, and you seem to hit it off, and then you never hear from him again (or he sends you a couple of lame texts, and then you never hear from him again).
I am not trying to discourage you. I am trying to encourage you. Be open to the possibility that Mr. Two Great Dates is doing you a favor. Maybe he only had two great dates in him. In other words, let it be.
I can only imagine how your husband’s departure shook you to the core, so the best thing you can do for yourself right now is rebuild your self-image. Patch that hole! Treat yourself as you would a beloved child. Think back to all the things you put off doing for yourself when you were married and do them now (whether that means starting a garden or moving to Belize). Rediscover yourself and all the wonderful qualities about you that make you you.
You see, a healthy self-love (as opposed to narcissism) is very attractive to other people, particularly men. Even better, self-love prevents you from sticking yourself with the wrong men or getting hung up on guys who disappear. Every day from this day forward, do something lovely for yourself. Remind yourself you are a treasure yet to be discovered.
Continue to get out there. Smile. Be interested in the guy across the table. Don’t talk about your ex or your former marriage. Talk only about things that make you happy and hopeful. Say goodnight. If he says he’ll be in touch, let him be in touch. If he’s not in touch, double up on doing lovely things for yourself.
Love yourself. Love yourself. Love yourself. Give it time. See what happens.
