How to Deal With Stupid Questions About Your Relationship Status (Just In Time For the Holidays!)

Whether you’re in a relationship or not, the holidays can be sticky. All those parties and family gatherings expose you to  people who want to know if you’re dating.

Their next (annoying) question:

If not, why not?

If so, when are you getting engaged?

This obnoxious line of questioning puts unnecessary stress on a single person, doesn’t it? It’s even worse when Competitive Cousin Hilda’s thrusting her engagement ring under every nose on the premises.

And then some clown swaggers over to you and demands, “So, are you EVER going to get married?” What do you do then?

This is what you do:

You stand up a little straighter. You make eye contact with the assailant and smile. You say, “I’m too young to get married.”

You say this even if you’re 80.

Then, when the inquisitor responds, “Come on now, every girl wants a ring on her finger,” you say:

“I’m enjoying life too much now to settle down, but when I decide to do otherwise, you’ll be the first to know.”

Put a twinkle in your eye and walk away.

This will put you back in the driver’s seat: If you’re not in a relationship, you come off as confident and attractive, someone who “has it going on.” If you’re in a relationship that’s in a holding pattern, you inform everyone (including your boyfriend, if he’s present) that your life already has meaning, thank you very much, and you are open to many possibilities (which may or may not include him).

Remember, always remember, what you have to offer (you’ve written that list, right? And read it before you left the house?). That’s worth more than any diamond.

Walk into every party, show up for every family event, with a song in your heart. Present yourself like a gift.

You are a gift. Start thinking of yourself that way and others will, too.

Attract More Love With a Push of a Button

Where’s your smartphone?

In your lap? Strapped to your head?

If so, it’s time to evaluate your relationship with this item. Are you running it, or is it running you?

Handheld devices are supposed to make our lives easier, but — let’s face facts — they make us busier. They keep us from thinking our own thoughts, enjoying down time, and making ourselves available for happy occurrences.

When you chat and text away at the bank, the supermarket, or while waiting for a friend for lunch, you’re not likely to notice and exchange a smile with someone new (who could be the right man for you — or the man or woman who introduces him to you).

I can’t tell you how many married couples have told me that they met each other in the course of a usual day. For every person who told me they met his or her spouse via the Internet, another has told me they found love at a concert, at church, or in a store.

One woman told me she overheard an attractive guy speaking French. She leaned over and said, “Oh, you speak French. I was a French major in college.” They started talking.

Turned out he was new to the country, but not for long. They’re married and run a successful import business together. If this woman had been texting, she would have missed her chance to meet her husband.

Okay, you say, but my cell is a security blanket. It makes me feel comfortable in uncomfortable situations.

I get that. Nobody wants to be sitting alone in a cafe looking like she has no friends, so a lot of us turn to our phones to ease our anxiety.

But let me make a suggestion. Next time you’re out alone (on a park bench, the beach, or in a coffee shop), put the phone away and pull out a book.

Reading a book makes you look as if you have interests. By its nature it’s something you must do alone, so it makes sense that you’d be alone. What’s more, a book can serve as an opener for conversation.

Many years ago, I was on the beach when an arrestingly good-looking guy chatted me up about the book I read (Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte). We didn’t turn out to be a match made in heaven, but we did have a few fun dates.

So, be conscious of your cell phone use. Is it helping you meet people, or is it just serving as a barrier between you and new people?

Turn it off. Wherever you go, leave your house five minutes early to facilitate grace and tranquility. Move with ease and confidence through your day.

And smile.