He says he doesn’t want a relationship, but he keeps coming around. You laugh all the time. You have great sex. You have so much in common. You’re perfect together.
He feels it, too. You know he does. You can tell because of the way he looks at you.
He says he doesn’t want a relationship, and you’re baffled.
Surely you can change his mind. Surely he’ll thank you for it later. You belong together. If only you could make him realize it.
You can, right?
Here’s the thing. When you’re in the wobbly position of convincing a man that he wants a relationship — that he’s better off with you — you have lost your power.
You know how it feels. You walk around like a zombie. You’re preoccupied. You don’t smile or laugh with your friends, coworkers, or children as much.
You toss and turn at night, devising plans to get him to want a relationship he says he doesn’t want. You’re miserable and out of control.
So, now what do you do?
You take him at his word. When a man says he doesn’t want a relationship, believe him.
(KNOW THIS: A certain type of man — a creep, for instance — will tell you he doesn’t want a relationship and keep coming around, knowing you’ll take his behavior as evidence that he indeed wants one. This way, he can sleep with you and not feel guilty about it. “Hey,” he’ll reason. “I told her I didn’t want a relationship.”)
When you take a man at his word, he will do one of two things:
- He will realize that he wants a relationship, and if he doesn’t get his act together, he’ll lose you.
- He will disappear from your life. (This is a good thing. He was never going to be your boyfriend, anyway. You’re hurt, but you will get over it).
How do you take a man at his word?
Once he says he doesn’t want a relationship, stop returning his calls, texts, etc. (If he says, “But it doesn’t mean we can’t be friends,” oh, yes it does. You are just too vulnerable. Cease communication.)
Absolutely do not sleep with him “just one more time” (since you’re emotionally involved, it’ll feel good now and hurt like hell tomorrow).
Instead, fill every spot of your calendar with healing activities that give you joy. Smile. Meet all sorts of new people. One of them may introduce you to a man who wants a drama-free relationship with a great catch like you.
And, if you happen to run into Mr. No-Relationship, keep your distance. Wave, smile, and keep moving. You are no longer available to him.