Stuff You Just Don’t Have to Do to Meet Good Men

Patti Stanger, American TV’s “Millionaire Matchmaker,” insists that women who want to find love must possess one thing:

Straight hair.

According to her, all her male clients ask for women with straight hair.

Now here’s the thing: I have curly hair. For much of my teenage life, I slept with pantyhose on my head before a party to straighten it. Later on, I abused it to frizzy oblivion with hair dryers and irons.

After all this, no boyfriend.

Eventually, I met a hairdresser who convinced me to let my hair “do what it wants to do.” In other words, it’s curly. Let it be curly.

So I did. And, strangely enough, I attracted my first real boyfriend.

My advice to you is, if your hair is straight or curly, stop fighting it. This will sound cliche, but it’s true:

There’s only one you for a reason. Be you.

If you’re hoping to meet men by squeezing yourself into some pre-defined idea of beauty, please stop. For every man who likes a dark-skinned woman, there’s another who likes one with freckles.

We’re brainwashed to think all men want a woman who resembles a tall model. Why does it shock us when a man prefers a full-figured woman?

So, please love and celebrate yourself.

Oh, and if you’re in the habit of going out to meet men in very low-cut blouses (I see this too much!), please stop. By all means, expose your throat (it communicates vulnerability), but squashed up cleavage screams, “I’m out to meet a man!”

And only the most undesirable men rise to that bait.

Are You Loveable?

Last Sunday, Americans celebrated Father’s Day.

It can be a tough day for women whose fathers have died, but it’s often tougher for women who had bad or non-existent relationships with the first man in their lives — the man who was supposed to cherish them, exalt them, treasure them, and love them from the very beginning.

It doesn’t take a trained professional to point out that girls who were abandoned by their fathers can have trouble forming lasting adult relationships with good men. Same goes for girls whose fathers were on the scene but emotionally distant, uninvolved, indifferent — or worse — abusive.

If your father fell into any one of these categories, you may have come away with (and be operating under) the misguided belief that you are somehow unloveable.

On the contrary, you are certainly loveable. You must understand this. The fact that your father failed to love you has everything to do with him and nothing to do with you.

He failed.

You can turn things around, though. Learn to love yourself. Understand that you are special and lovely and amazing and loveable just because you are who you are.

Make it your mission to love yourself. Treasure yourself. When you come to value yourself the way you were intended to be valued, your circumstances will change. (For advice on a developing deep and powerful self-love, many people read Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life. You may prefer to consult a reputable therapist in your area.)

You will find yourself attracting better friends, better jobs, and much better men. Try it and see.