Is He Trying to Tell You It’s Over?

Is he breaking up with you?

Sometimes you’ll know because he’ll come out and tell you the relationship is over.

Other times, his calls will drop off, he’ll be less available, and you’ll be left wondering if he’s truly busy or quietly moving on.

Before you get too upset, determine whether the guy is worth keeping around in the first place. Take out a piece of paper and honestly assess the pros and cons of the relationship.

(Note: “Having a man in my life” does not constitute a pro.)

If you conclude he’s worth holding onto, let him prove it. If he’s been playing it cool, don’t text him, grill his friends for his whereabouts, or arrange to run into him somewhere. Sit back. See what happens. If he gets in touch with you and makes a consistent effort to see you, the relationship may indeed be worth salvaging.

If, however, he shows up at whim looking for sex, he’s merely a sex partner (and a weasel). If you want more than that, move on to make yourself available for a better man.

Once you decide to move on, the key is to actually move on.

This will help:

- Using that list of relationship cons, write down in vivid detail situations where your ex annoyed, embarrassed, or hurt you. Keep this bit of info in your wallet and whip it out whenever you’re tempted to replay a romantic scene between you in your head. It may also help to keep a copy on your bathroom mirror.

- Paint a room in your house or apartment. Rearrange the furniture. Making a change in your environment signals a new start.

- In a couple of weeks, when you’re feeling stronger, make a special effort to forgive your ex. This step is for YOU, not him. You’ve heard it before: Holding a grudge is like letting a jerk live rent-free in your head.

It’s your head. Reclaim it.

To forgive him, close your eyes and mentally tell him, “I forgive you.” This will not be easy for a while, but do keep it up. Eventually, you may even work up the strength to pray for the guy.

What we wish for others we wish for ourselves. Pray for his happiness. Pray that he becomes free of his annoying tendencies.

Pray for yourself and for the strength to forgive.

Forgiveness is powerful. When you forgive a man, you unbind yourself from him. One day you will run into him on the street and wonder what you ever saw in him.

Believe it.

Furthermore, forgiving the wrong man makes you available for the right man.

Wouldn’t you rather be in the arms of the right man than in those of the wrong man?

Happy New Year.

 

The difference between giving him room and expecting never to depend on him

Hi Terry,

I downloaded your ebooks “The Magic of Making Up” and the “Mind Magic”

I repeatedly hear books on relationships, not only yours, that keep saying not to send or reach out to someone you like when you’re in an emergency and not to send pleas and emergency texts to the person you like.

Terry, we form relationships to share not only our joys but sorrows. I would like my friend to be dependable as well and to be there for me when I truly need someone in an emergency. So when I am sending out an emergency call and he does not respond then how dependable is he?

We all want someone there for us when life swings downward. Is not life about ups and downs? I feel a friend should help another when an emergency call goes out, if not as an ex but as a fellow human being on humanity grounds and on the basis you know this person or a fellow soul.

If he/she is not even there for you to call in an emergency, then why in the world would someone want to have a relationship with that person? What’s even the point of getting into a relationship?

Befuddled

Dear Be-

I can’t take credit for writing the books you mention; I read them, and I liked them, and so I became an affiliate of the author’s. I recommend the ebooks to readers who want to get back together with an ex. If they buy them, I get a commission.

In a relationship, you definitely (absolutely, without question) should be able to call a man to come to your aid in an emergency. Hey, in a relationship, you should be able to invite him to dinner.

The author of the ebooks you mention is discussing something entirely different:

How to mend a relationship that has ended due to a breakup.

He makes the excellent point that, once a guy has broken up with you, the LAST thing you want to do is call him, show up where he hangs out, pester his friends as to his well-being, etc. You want to give him a little room, let him decide on his own if he made the right choice in ending the relationship. If you persist on staying on his radar (or, to put it crudely, staying in his face), you will push him farther away.

(If you’re a man reading this, the author prescribes the same approach for you. Show up where your ex is hanging with her friends, text her non-stop, “bump into” her on the street, and her heart will not grow fonder. She’ll get creeped out.)

This is quite different from being in a committed relationship, or even in a relationship that is just getting off the ground. If you have a genuine emergency, and you need help, ask for help. The right guy will help. The wrong guy will have something better to do.

Again, when you are in a committed relationship, the man should definitely be your friend. (If you’ve read anything I’ve ever written, you know I’m a proponent of the loyal, loving, reliable, successful, fun man.)

The man in your life should be there for you, as you should be for him. You should be able to rely upon him. Otherwise, why would you ever want to be with the guy? Where’s the love and happiness in that?

I really hope I’m making myself clear.

Wishing you all the best,
Terry