Are You Playing Hard to Get — Or Just Freezing Him Out?

In dating, we all want a prize.

For example, a friend introduces you to a “great guy.” Is he more intriguing if:

a) he’s friendly and leaves you thinking he might be interested in you?

OR

b) if he automatically starts texting you three times day, leaving messages on your machine, etc?

Most women would find the first guy more attractive. Why? Because he seemed interested. However, he’s letting her wonder: Maybe he was just being nice. Maybe she imagined things. Maybe he won’t call. She hopes he’ll call! And so on.

He’s got her thinking about him. From his perspective, this is a very good thing indeed.

The same principal holds true with guys. Often, they meet a perfectly attractive woman. They’re interested. They exchange numbers. But she blows it by being “in his face” all the time: texting, phoning, and so on.

Even worse, though, is the woman who’s interested but refuses to show it. She thinks playing it cold is playing hard to get. Problem is, she doesn’t get.

Often, this behavior results from shyness or insecurity. Who wants to be rejected, right?

But it’s key to be friendly, interested, and make eye contact when you meet a good Mr. Possibility. Use the man’s name often. Smile.

This way, you leave him with the impression that you like him. Your next step? Let him contact you.

Don’t call. Don’t text. Resume your full and happy life. Allow your encounter to “marinate” in his imagination. If he returns your interest, he’ll call you.

Seriously, if you’ve developed a pattern of working too hard in your relationships, letting a guy make contact is a good start to breaking it.

A man’s arm won’t break if you let him reach for you. Besides, you’re worth it.

The difference between giving him room and expecting never to depend on him

Hi Terry,

I downloaded your ebooks “The Magic of Making Up” and the “Mind Magic”

I repeatedly hear books on relationships, not only yours, that keep saying not to send or reach out to someone you like when you’re in an emergency and not to send pleas and emergency texts to the person you like.

Terry, we form relationships to share not only our joys but sorrows. I would like my friend to be dependable as well and to be there for me when I truly need someone in an emergency. So when I am sending out an emergency call and he does not respond then how dependable is he?

We all want someone there for us when life swings downward. Is not life about ups and downs? I feel a friend should help another when an emergency call goes out, if not as an ex but as a fellow human being on humanity grounds and on the basis you know this person or a fellow soul.

If he/she is not even there for you to call in an emergency, then why in the world would someone want to have a relationship with that person? What’s even the point of getting into a relationship?

Befuddled

Dear Be-

I can’t take credit for writing the books you mention; I read them, and I liked them, and so I became an affiliate of the author’s. I recommend the ebooks to readers who want to get back together with an ex. If they buy them, I get a commission.

In a relationship, you definitely (absolutely, without question) should be able to call a man to come to your aid in an emergency. Hey, in a relationship, you should be able to invite him to dinner.

The author of the ebooks you mention is discussing something entirely different:

How to mend a relationship that has ended due to a breakup.

He makes the excellent point that, once a guy has broken up with you, the LAST thing you want to do is call him, show up where he hangs out, pester his friends as to his well-being, etc. You want to give him a little room, let him decide on his own if he made the right choice in ending the relationship. If you persist on staying on his radar (or, to put it crudely, staying in his face), you will push him farther away.

(If you’re a man reading this, the author prescribes the same approach for you. Show up where your ex is hanging with her friends, text her non-stop, “bump into” her on the street, and her heart will not grow fonder. She’ll get creeped out.)

This is quite different from being in a committed relationship, or even in a relationship that is just getting off the ground. If you have a genuine emergency, and you need help, ask for help. The right guy will help. The wrong guy will have something better to do.

Again, when you are in a committed relationship, the man should definitely be your friend. (If you’ve read anything I’ve ever written, you know I’m a proponent of the loyal, loving, reliable, successful, fun man.)

The man in your life should be there for you, as you should be for him. You should be able to rely upon him. Otherwise, why would you ever want to be with the guy? Where’s the love and happiness in that?

I really hope I’m making myself clear.

Wishing you all the best,
Terry