Do You Want to Get Back With Your Ex?

Are you familiar with this story?

You loved him. He loved you. You were happy.  You thought he was happy.

Then he dumped you.

Now you spend nights twisted up in your sheets, staring at the ceiling, wondering… why? What happened? At last, you fall asleep, only to wake up and realize you didn’t have a nightmare. The man you love really and truly broke up with you.

And you want him back.

Here’s what not to do:  Do not make it your mission to convince him you’re the woman for him. Do not try to prove that he’s made a mistake. (Don’t text him. Don’t call him. Do not track his movements via Facebook.)

That is how you push him away and end up feeling sad and out of control.

He broke up with you, so if there’s to be further contact, let him make it. When you run into him (or when he comes over to fetch some things, or if he calls or texts you),  you can say (calmly and gracefully):

“I really liked (loved) you. I thought we were happy together. I’m sorry I was wrong about that, but I respect your feelings to end things. I wish you all the best.”

End of discussion.

This way, you don’t have to wonder if he ever really knew  how much you cared for him. You’re also saying that, in spite of  your feelings, you respect HIS feelings and his  decision. You are telling him that you are moving on.

What happens next?

Well, if there’s any ambiguity on his part (and often there is) about his decision, you’ve given him room to rethink it. That’s so much more attractive than begging a guy to come back to you. And it’s powerful.

He may very quickly come to realize he made a mistake.

Or…

He may not. In this case, you’ve done yourself a favor. You’ve saved yourself from wasting days of your precious life on some guy who only has lukewarm feelings for you. Wouldn’t you rather be with someone who wants you with a passion?

Life is short. Go for it.

When Playing Hard to Get Backfires

Hi Terry,

I have a question for you:

Last year I was dating a guy who was clearly into it with me.  I liked him as well but played it cool to avoid scaring him off.  Sadly, I played it too cool and he ended things ( I now find out that it was because he sincerely thought I wasn’t interested).  Fast forward to today.  I contacted him with a simple hello which grew into a e-conversation about how he had thought this about me/us.

He said many things, including he wasn’t disappointed to hear from me, he is dating someone “albeit long distance”, it’s a pity our special chemistry wasn’t further explored, asked if I was with someone special and told me, “sigh, this is so unfair” as he accused me of flirting when I told him the person he’s dating is a lucky girl.

I went on to say that should his circumstances change it wouldn’t have to be unfair.  His response…I agree.

Ugggh!  What now?  Do I contact him again at some point to tell him I meant every word I said (as he didn’t get the message when we were dating and seemed flabbergasted by my recent admission).  Do you think he would be thinking over giving us a new start?

If you have any insight Terry I’d love to hear it.  Thanks so much!

-Should I Take This Further?

Hello,  Should-

I wouldn’t contact him again because you’ve already made your case.

He seems interested, but he’s dating someone else. At this point, your best bet is to let things lie. He may decide that he prefers you to the long-distance girlfriend, or he may not.

Give him time to figure it out. Stay busy and (see other people) in case things don’t go as you’d like.

But if they do — if he realizes that the long-distance relationship pales in comparison to the one he might have with you, don’t play it cool.

Welcome him with open arms.

Join Me For ‘Dating Magic’

I interrupt our regularly scheduled post to make the following announcement:

I’d like you to attend Dating Magic, my new one-hour teleclass — free of charge — when you order my ebook and audio How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams.

ABOUT DATING MAGIC

In this one-hour session, you’ll discover secrets about the dating and love subjects that may be messing with your beautiful mind:

- Playing hard to get. Does it work?

- It’s 2010. Who pays for dinner?

- The truth about giving an ultimatum

- Where the men are

- Dealing with rejection and discouragement

-What’s holding you back from getting the love you want?

Together, we’ll go through a guided meditation designed to help you attract a thrilling and soul-stirring relationship. We’ll also brainstorm to to solve your most pressing dating and love dilemmas.

And I want you to direct the conversation. I want to answer your questions, and more important, I want (very much) for you to find love! So, do email me with your questions, and we’ll get to as many as time permits.

So…

Order How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams.

Here’s an email I received about it last week:
—-
“The moment I realized I could create my own love life was the moment I took charge of it. That list you had me write was awesome from the start (and I realized I’d been wasting my time). I met and married the love of my life. Thank you for helping me find him.”

-Chantal

–

After you place your order, download the product. Then leave a comment on this post, letting me know you did.

A day or so later I’ll email you at address you provided on the comment form (which remains between us). I’ll send you your call-in info for the class, which will be held:

Tuesday, August 24th
at 7:30PM/EST.

And I’ll invite you to send along a dating question.

(In case you can’t be live on the call, I will record it so that you can access it later.)

Order now to get access to Dating Magic.

If you’ve read this far, know that I truly thank you and value you. Have a great couple of days. It’s been a bit crazy around here (summer vacation, and all that goes along with it).

I’ll be back as soon as I can.

The difference between giving him room and expecting never to depend on him

Hi Terry,

I downloaded your ebooks “The Magic of Making Up” and the “Mind Magic”

I repeatedly hear books on relationships, not only yours, that keep saying not to send or reach out to someone you like when you’re in an emergency and not to send pleas and emergency texts to the person you like.

Terry, we form relationships to share not only our joys but sorrows. I would like my friend to be dependable as well and to be there for me when I truly need someone in an emergency. So when I am sending out an emergency call and he does not respond then how dependable is he?

We all want someone there for us when life swings downward. Is not life about ups and downs? I feel a friend should help another when an emergency call goes out, if not as an ex but as a fellow human being on humanity grounds and on the basis you know this person or a fellow soul.

If he/she is not even there for you to call in an emergency, then why in the world would someone want to have a relationship with that person? What’s even the point of getting into a relationship?

Befuddled

Dear Be-

I can’t take credit for writing the books you mention; I read them, and I liked them, and so I became an affiliate of the author’s. I recommend the ebooks to readers who want to get back together with an ex. If they buy them, I get a commission.

In a relationship, you definitely (absolutely, without question) should be able to call a man to come to your aid in an emergency. Hey, in a relationship, you should be able to invite him to dinner.

The author of the ebooks you mention is discussing something entirely different:

How to mend a relationship that has ended due to a breakup.

He makes the excellent point that, once a guy has broken up with you, the LAST thing you want to do is call him, show up where he hangs out, pester his friends as to his well-being, etc. You want to give him a little room, let him decide on his own if he made the right choice in ending the relationship. If you persist on staying on his radar (or, to put it crudely, staying in his face), you will push him farther away.

(If you’re a man reading this, the author prescribes the same approach for you. Show up where your ex is hanging with her friends, text her non-stop, “bump into” her on the street, and her heart will not grow fonder. She’ll get creeped out.)

This is quite different from being in a committed relationship, or even in a relationship that is just getting off the ground. If you have a genuine emergency, and you need help, ask for help. The right guy will help. The wrong guy will have something better to do.

Again, when you are in a committed relationship, the man should definitely be your friend. (If you’ve read anything I’ve ever written, you know I’m a proponent of the loyal, loving, reliable, successful, fun man.)

The man in your life should be there for you, as you should be for him. You should be able to rely upon him. Otherwise, why would you ever want to be with the guy? Where’s the love and happiness in that?

I really hope I’m making myself clear.

Wishing you all the best,
Terry