Hello Terry,
Does it take 35 years of kissing frogs before I get to my prince?
I’ve spent a great deal of time working on me and consider myself to be financially, emotionally, and spiritually stable. After finishing my doctoral studies last year, I decided on a job in a bustling metro area. There is plenty to do, and I get out with co-workers and family and friends who come to visit as often as possible. I am not really keen about the idea of dating myself but have pledged to do so more. I have been on a few dates since I moved but have recently decided to be more proactive about dating. After all, I do want to have a healthy family in the near future.
As a part of my proactive dating, I joined an online dating site. After being on the site and communicating with several guys electronically and a few by phone, I decided to meet this one guy.
Here’s how it went. He chose a great restaurant, made the reservations, and showed up early with flowers. We laughed easily over dinner. He was kind to our server and allowed me to order first. He even suggested that we walk down the strip to have dessert at another restaurant because he was not quite ready for the date to end. After the date, he called to make sure that I made it some safely and asked to see me again. Of course, I agreed.
This is how the second date went. I was not ready to invite him into my personal space, so we agreed to meet at another public place for dinner. The date was off to a good start. Towards the end, I noticed that he took out his cell phone. He was holding it kind of low, so I thought that he was trying to respond to a text message on the sly. Then he raised the phone higher and started flashing pictures of me. I jokingly asked him to not take pictures of me while I was eating. He joking showed me the pictures; and low and behold, it turns out that he was USING THE CAMERA ON HIS PHONE TO TAKE PICTURES OF MY SKIRTED LEGS. Thank goodness that my legs were crossed at the ankles and there was a pole in the middle of the table. I asked to see the phone and deleted the pictures.
I found his behavior to be totally inappropriate and told him so. He stated that he was only teasing and apologized, but the evening went downhill from there. Since then, he has called to apologize and has invited me out again. I kindly declined. However, my friends say to forgive him and give him another chance.
Should I give him another chance or should I follow my gut after considering this incident and the other red flags and just move on. After all, what kind of man takes photos of a lady’s legs on the sly?
Thanks for reading,
-Freaked Out
Dear Understandably Freaked:
By all means, ignore your friends and follow your intuition on this one. I don’t know what kind of man sneakily takes photographs of a woman’s legs at dinner, but I definitely don’t want to meet him.
I also do not want to spend time with any man (or woman) who snaps pics of me while I’m eating, especially without asking permission first. Some people are real bullies with their cameras, and you need to back away from them — fast.
But let’s just say you follow your friends’ advice and give this joker another chance. You start to feel comfortable, tell yourself you were overreacting. You go to his house for dinner. Who’s to say the perv won’t have rigged some device in his bathroom to catch you in some private act?
Look, you’re obviously an extremely accomplished woman. Keep getting out there, but also keep the pressure off. Enjoy your job and your new city. You earned it. You’re young, and many people would gladly exchange their humdrum lives for yours!
In addition to (or instead of) Internet dating, think about doing volunteer work in fields that attract men (I’m thinking of Habitat For Humanity, and that sort of thing). If a colleague invites you to a party, and you tell yourself you won’t know anybody there, go anyway. You never know who you’ll meet. Be sure to prepare a graceful exit strategy before you go in case things don’t work out.
Above all, keep following your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right to you about a date (and you don’t have a habit of rejecting men due to the cars they drive or not meeting a height requirement), then something probably isn’t right.
You made the right call here. Good luck to you!
