There’s Nothing Wrong With You, So Why Can’t You Find a Decent Boyfriend?

Does this sound like you?

You’re attractive, accomplished, smart, funny, caring, and yet “the one” keeps eluding you. Or, you attract plenty of men, but you can’t get a lasting, loving relationship off the ground.

Meanwhile, other women, who just happen to be less attractive, kind of selfish, not very bright, and not particularly goal-oriented always seem to be in a solid relationship.

They attract it. They keep it. No big deal.

What’s up with that?

It’s been my experience that a lot of us want a relationship on one level, while subconsciously we’re terrified of actually having one. So we make sure we don’t have one. We protect ourselves by sabotaging our chances for love at every turn.

Now, you may be asking, why ever would a woman sabotage her chances for a loving relationship with a warm, wonderful man who made her happiness a priority?

For starters, some of us fear being abandoned. Others fear being controlled or smothered. Some of us have had our hearts handed to us by former loves and live in secret terror of it ever happening again.

Some of us fear getting married and losing our identities, or being forced to choose between children and a career.

Think about it.

If you’re afraid of anything I’ve mentioned, you’re not alone. You’re not unreasonable. You’re not stupid. You’re right to fear those things because for many women they are indeed a reality.

But…

Ask yourself if they have to be a reality.

For example, if you don’t want to change your name, is it possible you could marry a man who’d be proud if you kept it? (Yeah, it’s quite possible.)

Do you have to give up your career to have children? How do other women juggle a family and career? (Hint: The smart ones marry a guy who’s willing to do his share of the heavy lifting.)

Do you have to marry a controlling man (even if every woman in your family has married one)? Is it possible you could attract — and marry — one you trusts you to do the right thing and be exactly who you are?

Sure, it is.

If you bring your fears to light, you can face them. What’s more, you can overcome them. They will stop driving you. You will stop sabotaging your efforts to attract real love.

WARNING: You will not (and cannot!) find love when your fears are running the show.

If you want love, ask yourself if you’re afraid of it on any level. Ask yourself why. Then ask yourself if your fears have to become a reality.

What can you do to prevent them from being a reality?

Pen and paper time: Decide what’s acceptable to you in a relationship. Decide what’s not. Just knowing will give you peace of mind. It will also increase your chances of getting what you want exponentially.

Go for it.

How to Stop Sabotaging Your Love Life

If you’re in the habit of shooting yourself in the foot when it comes to love, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Ronnie Ann Ryan’s free teleclass scheduled for tonight.

The nice thing about Ronnie: Her teleclasses are meaty. They aren’t glorified sales pitches (although she surely wouldn’t object if you chose to avail yourself of one of her coaching programs). She packs a free 60-minute call with information you can use immediately to transform your love life.

She comes across women who think they’re ready for love but — for some reason — can’t get a relationship off the ground. A lot of times, the problem is self-sabotage, and it’s especially common among women who’ve suffered broken hearts.

If this sounds like you, Ronnie can relate.

She avoided men for many years following a breakup in college that left her in a heap on the floor. She was 40 years old before she even considered getting into a serious relationship again. Despite not having a boyfriend for many years, Ronnie learned to make herself vulnerable (you have to be vulnerable if you want love).

And she devised a plan to meet the right man, as opposed to a man. Then she married him.

So, if you’re frustrated and confused in your quest for true love, I recommend you call in tonight. Get registration info here. (Can’t make it to the phone from 8-9PM/EST? Register anyway, and Ronnie will make the recorded call available to you.)

An hour with Ronnie is a much better investment of your time than watching The Biggest Loser.

Yes, Decent Men Exist and You Can Have One

Hi Terry,

I am a young woman who is tired of all the lies and disappointments. I read all these stories about women who found true love. I have done all that I can, but I still cannot find that man. Maybe it’s because my job keeps me at the desk, and I have little time to meet guys but when I do, still nothing interesting comes out. Please advise.

I would like a man who respects me, knows how to have fun, is successful, driven, likes to travel, likes fine things in life but in moderation, smells good and takes care of himself, and wants to be with me forever.

Is there such a man or should I concentrate on my job and forget love?

-Where Is He?

Dear Where-

I think you should concentrate on your job because it provides you with the means to make your own decisions and remain self-sufficient.

I also think you should absolutely not give up on love. You may have dated your share of liars and other losers (who hasn’t?), but I assure you that better men exist. The fact that you have written down what you do want in a man is very powerful. Good for you. So many people wander the earth without a clue as to what will make them happy, and you’ve gone ahead and defined it. That’s half the battle. You’ll know it when you see it.

Your job may keep you chained to your desk, but you also say you’ve done everything you can to find the right man. I wonder what those things might be. Sure, Internet sites are one way to meet men, but it’s entirely possible that you might meet the right guy in the supermarket. So put on your love light.

Don’t reserve looking (or acting) your best for dates; look (and act) your best when you go to the dry cleaners or the library. Be kind to all people, not just men, for the sake of being kind. Besides, you never know who’s got a cousin or brother who wants to meet the right woman. One of the people you treated kindly may introduce you to him.

It also really helps to believe that the right person exists, and it helps to (mentally) act ‘as if’ you had a relationship with him. What would it feel like? What would you do with him after work? Where would you eat? How would his arms feel around you? Would you feel safe with him? Happy?

Bring these feelings to mind as often as possible. They make a difference.

Above all, love yourself and care for yourself. When you love and care for yourself, you inspire others to love and care for you, too. It’s very attractive.

Also, it’s critical that you like men. A lot of us say we want a relationship with a man, but we dislike and distrust them. Look for examples of men you admire. Understand that good men who want the same things you do exist. By all means, reject men who don’t meet your standards, but know that men who do currently reside on this planet.

Keep it up. When you get discouraged, read these words. Keep going. The world is full of creeps, yes, but it’s also full of wonderful men. One of them is right for you.