No Date Tonight? No Worries…

During a recent coaching session, a woman told me that she felt as though she was “losing ground” if she didn’t have a date every Saturday night (she’s meeting men through a dating site).

But her last few have been disappointing. She’s feeling burned out and thinks she could use a break from the dating merry-go-round — but she’s afraid to take it.

Here’s why she should:

Spending — and reveling in — time alone can be great for your self-esteem. (Note: The more solid your self-esteem, the more attractive you are. Guys love women who like themselves.)

Use a free Saturday night to do something you want to do but might not ordinarily allow yourself to do.

For example:

Last night I went to see Something Borrowed with a friend. A woman in the row ahead of us was by herself. Nothing wrong with that; I still see movies by myself now and then, and I enjoy it.

So, if there’s a movie you want to see, see it tonight. When you decide to stop depending on other people to join you in doing the things you want to do, you do the things you want to do. You become stronger, freer, happier, and — yes! — more magnetic to the opposite sex.

Or, you can stay home and use the law of attraction to bring the right man into your airspace. If your last dates were duds, bring to mind what made them duds (a beautiful friend of mine recently had a first date with a guy who — wait for it — whipped out nasal spray at a restaurant table).

Get a notebook and pour yourself a lovely glass of wine. Now, write a list of the traits that turned you off (cheap? boring? bad taste?). Then write a list of those opposite traits (generous, fascinating, good taste) and follow it up with an affirmation:

“I am dating a generous, fascinating man with impeccable taste.”

Now imagine yourself at dinner with this man. Use all your senses: Touch, sight, hearing, smell, and taste.

What does it FEEL like to be out with him? (Tingley? Safe? Warm? Admired?)
How does he TREAT you? (Does he hold doors? Gently put his hand on your back as you walk to your table?)
Does he make you LAUGH?
When he opens the door for you, what do you SMELL? (Maybe
the scent of laundry soap in his shirt?)
What NOISES are around you? (Music, tinkling of silverware?)
What is he WEARING? (Cufflinks? A t-shirt?)
What are you EATING? (Salmon? A cheeseburger?)
Can you feel the WEIGHT of your drink glass in your hand? (Is it cold? Hot? Room temperature?)

Write a little scene describing this date. Make it as real as possible. Then, bring it to life in your imagination.

Savor it.

This is valuable use of your time. The subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between a real event and an imagined one. Keep bringing your scene to life in your mind twice or three times a day (or as often as possible!), and your subconscious mind will reward you by bringing it to pass.

Worked for me. Worked for my friend, Ronnie. Worked for countless others.

Enjoy your Saturday night. You’ve earned it.

What Do Nuns Have to Do With Your Love Life?

When I was a child, I went to Catholic school. Consequently, I saw (and spent time with) a lot of nuns.

But there came a time when I didn’t see any nuns. I went to a public high school. I stopped going to church. By the time I started going again (many years later), I hardly ever saw them. They seemed to have fallen off the earth.

A couple of months ago, I began work on a novel about an ex-nun. To make the situation believable, I needed background on the nun’s story. Since I don’t know much about convent life or how women actually become nuns, I had to do some serious research.

I bought books by nuns, about nuns, and about life in the convent. I found a blog by a nun and followed it.

And then, after ages of not seeing nuns, I saw them. Out of the blue. I saw them in their habits, singly and in pairs. Last week, my younger daughter and I had lunch at the Outback and were seated next to a table of five of them.

The point of this? I didn’t see nuns for a very long while,and then after putting my attention on them (through research), I did. Suddenly.

This is the law of attraction at work.

What you put your attention on, you get more of. When I was dating and hoping to meet someone special, I bought into the myth that all the good men were already taken. I believed that most men were cheaters, and that relationships had to be hard work.

It may not surprise you that I dated many cheaters, and that my relationships were indeed hard work.

Once I learned about the law of attraction, I decided to use it to turn my love life around. It seemed preposterous to believe that good men existed, and that I was capable of attracting one, but I made a commitment to trying it.

And it worked.

How do you start using the law of attraction?

First, daydream a bit. What does your ideal relationship look like? Feel like? Smell like? Taste like? Write it down.

What kinds of things do you do with your special man? Do you laugh? Eat at restaurants? Go to Mets games?

Make a decision.

Is he honest with you? Kind? Does he do dishes? Is he responsible with money? Does he drink moderately?

Write it down.

In other words, decide what you want. Dwell on it. Let this “reality” marinate in your mind, body, and soul.

And, please, stop living in the past. Stop replaying your failed relationships. PUT YOUR ATTENTION ON WHAT YOU WANT, NOT WHAT YOU DO NOT WANT!

You get more of what you put your attention on, always.

How to Attract the Relationship You Want

Even if every relationship you’ve had so far has blown up in your face, you have what it takes to attract and enjoy a lasting, loving relationship. You can get married if you want.

How do I know?

Because I was a colossal failure at relationships. The longest one I managed in my long series of disasters lasted nine whole months. And they were a hard and painful nine months.

Fast forward years later. I had the experience to tell me what I did not want in a relationship. I sat down, pen and paper in hand, and decided what I did want.

Then I asked myself if such a relationship was even possible.

I looked around for evidence of similar relationships to which I aspired. (I could watch TV and read the tabloids if I wanted “evidence” to relationships to which I did not aspire. You can, too, I’m sure.)

With eyes open, I found people in healthy, monogamous relationships that delighted them and gave me the evidence I needed.

Once I knew what I wanted and understood that having it was indeed possible, I started to picture myself in the future, enjoying my perfect relationship.

I made a game of it. I took out my trusty pen and paper and started a sentence:

“My husband and I…”

If I had the wonderful husband I wanted, what would we do together? This was one idea I had:

“My husband and I walked to Bowne Park. The trees bent slightly in the warm breeze, leaves lush and glistening. I sat on the swing. My husband adjusted his glasses. He pushed me. He pushed me higher and higher. I closed my eyes against the bright sun, and then the sky darkened. A summer shower pounded on us, soaking our clothes. My husband grabbed my hand. We ran for shelter, smelling the rain. He took off his glasses and tried to dry them with his wet shirt. Giving up, he laughed. I laughed, and he kissed me.”

Whenever I got bored, whenever I got sad, I’d play this game whether I had a pen with me or not. I would devise different scenarios.

What kinds of things would you and your husband (or the perfect man for you) do together? Think about it. Write about it. What kinds of feelings will you experience when you are with this person?

Is such a situation possible? If not, why not? (And if it’s truly not possible, come up with an equally exciting situation that is possible.)

Does this method I’ve describe actually work? Why, yes, it does. Not only does it help you crystallize what you want, it helps you attract what you want.

It worked for me.

Not Every Guy Exists For ‘Just One Thing’

And I have proof.

Check out this fascinating article I found on Salon this morning and let it warm your soul.

From a law of attraction standpoint, if you believe every man is a dog, you’ll develop a habit of attracting a lot of dogs. (Or, as Deepak Chopra and millions of others have observed: What you think about, you tend to bring about.)

Read this article. Understand that better men exist. Start attracting better men.