Want to Meet New Men (But Online Dating Isn’t Cutting It)?

An attractive, smart, well-employed friend of mine hopes to get married. She’s turned to various dating sites to help her meet men.

Now, I personally know many people (my brother, for example) who met their future spouses online, but my friend is having the worst luck. She gets profiles with photos of men hidden under baseball caps or dressed to do an oil change. She’s received pictures from guys who couldn’t even bother to put on a shirt.

She’s not desperate, so she’s not going to date any of them, but she is frustrated.

And she’s not meeting potential dates at work, either, because it’s the same people in her office day in and day out.

What to do?

She’s a woman who makes friends easily, so my recommendation is for her to make more friends. She can do this by pursuing her passions (art, animals) and meeting people with the same interests.

This may sound too easy, but it works.

She may indeed meet the right man in the course of enjoying her passions, but more likely, she’ll meet his mother, sister, friend, or cousin who’ll introduce her to him.

If you’ve been with me a while, you know I know a woman who met her husband while visiting her father at the hospital. The future husband was on staff. They are now married and parents of a little boy.

I know another woman who met the man who became her husband at Thanksgiving dinner. Her brother invited his other siblings over and also asked a friend who was passing through town. He didn’t intend to fix anybody up, but fireworks ensued, anyway. His sister and his friend got married and had their second child in December.

Too many women blow opportunities to meet good men because they’re “on” only in certain situations: on dates, in bars, at parties, or online. They don’t expect to meet anyone new at a family event, a hospital, or at the supermarket, so they show up looking (and often behaving) less than their best.

Also, too many women — and men– make the mistake of setting a goal to meet “the one,” while allowing the interests that make them interesting to potential suitors fall by the wayside.

DON’T DO IT!

- If you like tennis, play tennis.

- If you like the opera, go to the opera.

- If you like to crochet, join a crochet circle (no, you probably won’t meet the man of your dreams there, but you may meet his grandmother).

- If you have to visit a friend in the hospital, look your best. You don’t know who you’ll meet there.

- If you like long walks on the beach, take long walks on the beach. Regularly. (I have a theory that if everybody who likes “long walks on the beach” actually took them, dating sites would go out of business.)

Wherever you go, smile. Make eye contact. Chat with the human standing behind you at the bank. Be approachable. Be attractive.

Your efforts will pay off. You will meet new people. Some of those people will know men they may want to fix up with a charming, kind individual like you.

When you meet those men, do not jump. Remember, you’re looking for the right man, not any man.

Give each one a chance but keep your standards high. When you’re meeting an abundance of men, you move squarely out of that “take what you can get” mindset. You’ll date better men, which will naturally lead to happier relationships.

(Is food a passion that sets you apart? Check out http://paper.li/twobitme/food.)

Meet 50 Men In 90 Days

If finding Mr. Right is a numbers game, you can tip odds in your favor by meeting as many men as possible. Unfortunately, many women believe that all the “good ones” are married or otherwise taken.

My friend, Ronnie Ann Ryan, is a dating coach who wants to prove those women wrong. In fact, she’s ready to prove them wrong with a group coaching program slated to begin Monday, September 12th. (In case you’re wondering, Ronnie is indeed my friend, a person I like and see regularly, not some stranger who emailed and induced me to promote her stuff.)

She’s the author of the original MANifesting Mr. Right plan, the very one she used to meet and marry her own Mr. Right. (Check her website for her intriguing success story.) Since then, she’s helped countless other women do the same thing.

By all means, if you’re ready and willing to meet 50 new men in 90 days, take a look at her coaching program. Aside from the results you’ll get, you will participate by phone  from the comfort and privacy of your own home. The price is right, too. Take a look here.

The best part? You won’t just meet 50 men, you’ll learn how to talk to them so that they want to talk back to you. You’ll learn how to actually feel comfortable doing this.

I think you’ll like Ronnie as much as I do; she’s an honest, committed woman who walks her walk and has made helping other women find the right love her life’s work.

To get started meeting men, click here.

If You Want to Get Married, Don’t Be This Woman…

Last week, I wrote about how it’s important not to assume that all men are the same, or even that they harbor the same ideas about sex. Coincidentally, I had an experience on Saturday evening that made me even more passionate about this.

I was in Manhattan to celebrate my  father’s birthday. He wanted to go for dinner at a casual Irish place on Third Avenue.

When we got there, the place was pretty empty (typical for an early Saturday evening in the summer). An attractive couple sat at the bar. And then, a woman’s cackling laugh assaulted us from way back in the restaurant.

My father looked at me. I looked at him. We shared the same thought: This might be a bad idea. Seriously, the woman’s  sharp and sudden eruptions cut through our skulls like a hatchet.

We asked to be seated, anyway.

As we approached our table, we couldn’t help but notice the perpetrator of the laughter (and subsequent shouting), who was a quite pretty person I approximated to be no older than 27.

She was sitting with three other young women and an attractive guy, but hers was the only voice I ever heard. Every other sentence went started, “Guys think this… but girls think this…..”

She seemed to be directing a lot of her observations to the guy, whom I couldn’t quite hear but didn’t seem to agree with her. She accused him of being gay.

After about five more minutes of this, the couple at the bar had enough and departed.

Meanwhile, the cackler got drunker. She proceeded to reel off a series of recent sexual adventures — in colorful detail (at this point, I could no longer take it; who wants  to hear this stuff when they’re having dinner with her father?  Unfortunately, the waitress was heading our way bearing grilled salmon and fish and chips).

Each of the stories the woman told ended up in disappointment. Interestingly, she seemed to be soliciting advice from the guy she’d accused of being gay.

She relayed the latest of her romantic disasters, telling the table (and us, the waitstaff, and some fresh suckers who’d just sat down at the bar),  “And then the guy had the nerve to tell me, ‘That’s why you’ll always  be alone.’”

At this point, my father looked me in the eye and said, “In 15 years, she’ll be telling the same stories, and she’ll definitely be alone.”

Why will she be alone?

First off, she believes men and women are different species. She has very definite ideas about what men think and how to attract them (solely through sex, and if they don’t appear interested, they have to be gay). She also has definite ideas about how all women see things (we’re all the same, as far as she’s concerned).

In other words, she never gives anyone a real chance. She makes assumptions. She doesn’t get to know a guy. Or a girl. Or anybody.  She knows everything. After a thousand failures, she still plays at sex to get love.

Secondly, during one of her very explicit monologues about her sex life, she detailed a conversation she had with one of her liaisons, which indicated that she probably has very deep fears about letting a man get close to her.

She’s not self-aware enough to realize it, but she pushes men away. She’s trying to protect herself. She refuses to make herself vulnerable.

None of us can be loved until we make ourselves vulnerable. Being vulnerable can be terrifying, and we may end up being hurt, but it sure beats telling war stories in a bar and wondering why we always end up being alone.

TO DISPEL SOME OF THE FEAR OF FALLING IN LOVE, GET MEN’S PERSPECTIVE ON LOVE.

Resist stereotypes. Open your mind. Discover the truth. Here’s how:

-Talk to a variety of men. If you don’t have any friends who are men, make some. Treat them like actual humans.

-See Crazy Stupid Love, a movie that tells the story of a guy who adores his wife and fights to save their marriage.

-Read fiction by men (try Michael Connolly or Dennis Lehane).

-Listen to men. They’re not all the same.

-By all means, forget what you see on Jersey Shore.

WHERE CAN YOU MEET MEN?

-Coffee shops. Don’t ask me why, but men seem to love coffee shops. And I mean men from ages 21 to 80. Find a place where you can be comfortable and become a familiar face. Get to know the owner. Get to know the regulars. Get to know some men.

As a side note, Ronnie Ann Ryan posted a good piece on deciphering a man’s mixed signals yesterday. Take a look here.

Meet 50 Men In 90 Days

*Note: If you’re too heartbroken to even think about meeting a new man now, check out this post on getting over the loss of a love.

Last night, Dating Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan started a new round of her popular 90-Day Challenge. If you’re wondering why on earth anyone would want to meet 50 men in 90 days, Ronnie says:

“Here are seven of the incredible behavioral and belief shifts that transformed my [former] women participants:

7. They used to think there weren’t any men to talk to and now, they look around to see how many men can be added to their lists.

6. Meeting new men and talking to them has become fun. These women no longer see it as drudgery, thinking, “Ugh, another loser.” Turns out that a lot of these men are really interesting.

5. They discovered you don’t have to be a supermodel to approach men. Any woman can be friendly and flirty. And, 99.9% of the time their conversations and ice breakers are well received which has boosted their confidence.

4. They totally embraced the challenge (after initial skepticism) and plan to do to meet men at least twice a week. This activity has become a natural part of life. They don’t stress about a particular event – because they know – if one doesn’t work out or go well, there is always another.

3. They now recognize how many men are out there. They see the abundance and have touched it so they know it’s real. That means it’s only a matter of time and a numbers game to meet the right one.

2. Today, these women are adept at meeting men. They don’t sweat over starting a conversation or stammer with nerves. This is the confidence that comes with practice which cannot be achieved any other way. They didn’t start out being super sociable or flirty, but they are now.

1. The number one benefit? Meeting more men equals more dates! After all, Isn’t that the number one goal?”

I, Terry, know Ronnie personally. I like her, and I like her methods. Her program includes:

■Six one-hour group coaching sessions over the phone (no travel!)

Monday nights: 1/24 (you’ve missed this session, but enrollment entitles you to the recording) , 2/7, 2/21, 3/7, 3/21, 4/4 from 8:00-9:00pm east coast time

■Once a week emailing for questions in between

■The book MANifesting Mr. Right (if you don’t already have one) or any audio program of your choice.

Ronnie says, “This is a $750 value when compared to private coaching and a lot more fun and inspiring! But I want this to be an accessible program that anyone can take advantage of. That’s why this price is so incredibly low. Get on board now with the best program you’ll see anywhere. All this great support and info for $99.97.”

Here’s what recent participants have to say about the group coaching process:

“Ronnie gave me several valuable tips that have made all the difference in my flirting ability.” – Michelle

“Being on the call made me feel so much better as I came to realize that I’m not alone. Lots of other women feel the same things that I do!” – Randi

Interested? Sign up here.