When He Suddenly Cancels…

One of my closest friends is actively dating, having been divorced for a couple of years.

She encountered a “charming, funny” guy on a dating site and subsequently met him for a successful dinner. “I would definitely see him again,” she reported.

He called to set something up for the following weekend. They decided on a movie and dinner. He lives about a half hour away, so they planned to meet in her neighborhood.

She spent her day painting a room in her house, eagerly looking forward to seeing him again. Then she got into the shower and began the beauty routine. “I started to beat myself up about my weight, and I thought my skin looked too red,” but then I told myself the truth: I actually looked pretty good.”

On went the earrings.

And then the phone rang. Mr. Wonderful called to cancel.

So she called me. “I’m disappointed, but I’m going to make a good night of it. I put on my prettiest pajamas, and I just poured a glass of wine. I’m staying in and having a date with myself. What do you think I should make for dinner? Ahi tuna or crab cakes?”

(One thing about this friend: She always has good food in the house. She does not mess around.)

What I love about this story is my friend’s unwillingness to wallow in misery over a canceled date. Let’s face it. Dating occasionally involves disappointment.

Everybody on the dating scene faces disappointment sometimes. Not just my friend. Not just you. It can be part of the process of finding the love of your life.

If some “charming, funny” guy cancels on you, do your best to roll with it. Remember — and treat yourself — like a treasure yet to be discovered.

My friend is a treasure yet to be discovered. Some lucky man will see that and treat her accordingly.

I wish the very same for you. Take good care of yourself.

P.S. In an interesting Law of Attraction coincidence, I just finished writing a blog post on the attractiveness of treating yourself well (and on a couple of other subjects!) for Ronnie Ann Ryan‘s forthcoming Valentine’s Week event. Her blog will include one post per day featuring dating advice from a roster of sage experts.

Check this page for details.

UPDATE: Ronnie’s Valentine’s blog-a-thon will kick off this Thursday, February 10 with a post by Marla Martensen, author of Diary of a Beverly Hills Matchmaker.

For more on Marla, check out her website.

Are You Loveable?

Last Sunday, Americans celebrated Father’s Day.

It can be a tough day for women whose fathers have died, but it’s often tougher for women who had bad or non-existent relationships with the first man in their lives — the man who was supposed to cherish them, exalt them, treasure them, and love them from the very beginning.

It doesn’t take a trained professional to point out that girls who were abandoned by their fathers can have trouble forming lasting adult relationships with good men. Same goes for girls whose fathers were on the scene but emotionally distant, uninvolved, indifferent — or worse — abusive.

If your father fell into any one of these categories, you may have come away with (and be operating under) the misguided belief that you are somehow unloveable.

On the contrary, you are certainly loveable. You must understand this. The fact that your father failed to love you has everything to do with him and nothing to do with you.

He failed.

You can turn things around, though. Learn to love yourself. Understand that you are special and lovely and amazing and loveable just because you are who you are.

Make it your mission to love yourself. Treasure yourself. When you come to value yourself the way you were intended to be valued, your circumstances will change. (For advice on a developing deep and powerful self-love, many people read Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life. You may prefer to consult a reputable therapist in your area.)

You will find yourself attracting better friends, better jobs, and much better men. Try it and see.